On Commitment

Until one is committed, there is hesitance, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves,too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would come his way.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

History always repeats,  but history is measured in the centuries of the world, while the life of an individual lasts barely for a century, most of the time, even less. It’s snowing outside, it’s beautiful. It seems that life likes to throw new problems at you, just as you begin to think you are getting the hang of the usual ones. You understand dating, life throws you death. You learn about sadness, you’re smacked in the face with depression of a loved one. You start to master friendship, you’re then faced with betrayal. Such is life.

What does one do when he sees the very pillars of virtue and strength are not as solid as they once seemed? How does one deal with the hum drum of life, while it’s snowing outside and so beautiful.

I’ve gotta stop working these midnight shifts. Woke at up 7am, and I’ll probably sleep at around 5am. sigh..

Out of Control

Today was the first snowfall of the year: November 26th. I forgot how pristine and fresh Kelowna could become during the first few weeks of winter, when the initial “wow” factor is still not worn out by slushy drives through muddy roads.

oh my tired, i’ll finish this later. gotta stop the late night shifts.

today

Had a strange sleep last night. I got to bed around 4:40 am, exhausted from work and talking over skype. During my sleep, I had dreams of violently leaping over the coffee counter and beating down customers who really did deserve a rather harsh beatdown.

Growing up as an Asian in Kelowna, you realise some things that most of the people here do not: there are many forms of racism prevalent in this town. Tonight, while I was sweeping the floor, minding my own business, this First Nations guy with a kenny g ponytail comes in, drenched with the smell of alcohol and the wear of flannel.  He comes up to me and asks if anyone has welcomed me to British Columbia (BC) yet, extends his hand, and I courteously, but with much disdain, shake it. Then he asks me if I am a member of the Falun Gong. I stare, he stares. I tell him he is thinking of China, and ignore everything else has to say from that point on.

The ass then goes up to my friend, and tells her that working alone she might get molested or raped late at night. Then he comes up to me and tells me to put a lid on (which is already on) his cup for him. I tell him the obvious, “it’s on,” with an annoyed look on my face. He stares me down. I stare him down. He leaves.

Now my question is, when is the point where it becomes morally acceptable for me to jump over the counter and beat the out of a racist, sexist ignorant drunk asshole?

finding my way

I feel it. You have no idea how much you helped Wari.

both sides

Ever feel like you were in two places? I feel like my life is split between asia and north america. I can see possibilities living and working in both regions. Each have their pros and their cons. North America is characterized by stability, while Asia with passion and risk.

that’s not what they told me in high school

they said that a bachelor’s would get you places in life. it was the way to go, the way of the future. information and critical analysis and manipulation of that information would create many jobs for us. trades they told us, was a thing of the past. it wasn’t so explicit, but it just seemed like trades were on a different tier, looked down upon as a waste of time and of life.

7 years later and i’m supporting a mundane lifestyle working minimum wage shooting espresso and serving muffins always wondering what could have been or what should be.

pick something and stick to it.

sounds easy eh? maybe it is. just not for the man of many actions/the man of inaction.

The Paradox

I did the powerpoint slides for a memorial service today. I found this in the program and quite liked it.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.  We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.  We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.

These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Kickboxing

Found my new hobby: kickboxing. Yes, I could get my ass handed to me by half the girls in the club,  but it’s a good way to keep fit and keep my mind occupied. My legs are bruised and battered and my knuckles hurt when i make a fist. It’s great.

– I miss Asia. It calls out.

– I’m beginning to become white again; back in Kelowna.

– I crave street food.

– Food here comes in nice large portions.

– I miss traveling and feel like I need to do more of it. Maybe I will take off to China or South America in a couple of months.

– I like the stability of having a place to leave my stuff, and a home to come back to after a long day of work.

What to do?